Mona reads
your iMessages too

Every fight started with “k.” Not “ok.” Just “k.” Mona showed me every single one came right after I'd answered a long text with a thumbs-up. I honestly thought the thumbs-up was efficient. I expected backup. Got none. My girlfriend has since sent the report to her mom and her sister.

Somewhere along the way we became co-managers of a household: Costco lists, calendar invites, “did you Venmo the sitter?” Mona pointed out the last time either of us texted “love you” unprompted was 14 months ago. We didn't need couples therapy, just that one page. Thursday date night is back.

I went in looking for ammo to bring to my therapist. Mona gave me something better: every time I set a boundary, he went silent for exactly two days, then came back with a meme like nothing happened. I'd been calling that “making up.” It wasn't. Blocked, and finally sleeping fine.

Our group chat has survived three weddings and one fantasy football scandal. Mona gave everyone a title. Mine: “says he's in, then bails.” 41 bails on record. The guys made it my official name in the league. Honestly, worth it.